NOT Funny

This post is not intended to make anyone laugh because what I am about to describe is NOT funny.

It was 5:22. I know this because I had just checked the clock to set the timer for the dinner.
Kids were scattered through the house, I was busy in the kitchen trying to supervise homework, mediate disagreements, figure out a new recipe and keep Amelia happy long enough to complete dinner before she lost it.

Then I hear it...the first beep of the smoke detector...and my heart sinks. Not because I think the house is on fire - Oh no, that would make sense and probably not make me so insane. No, my heart sinks because I flash back to a week ago when the alarms went off. Every adult and child in the house opened windows, turned on fans, and took jackets and fanned the detectors only for them to continue on their merry noise for 30 minutes - all six of them.

So tonight my heart sank as I anticipated all the fun (and noise) we were in for. I had no idea...

As I continued to prepare dinner I had the kids go around and open windows and turn on fans. After about 20 minutes I sent them with dish towels to fan around each smoke detector. I reset the breaker, hoping that would help. It didn't, it got worse. I removed a few batteries, they squealed louder. I replaced the batteries figuring it was almost over anyway.

Another 25 minutes pass. The kids had enough, they all got on coats and hats and deserted the house. By this time neighbors were finding it convenient to take out their trash, check their mailbox and discretely peek at our house - probably wondering why it had been 45 minutes and we still hadn't shut off the alarms. I was still naively thinking that perhaps some fumes or smoke from the dinner (that I wasn't even burning) might be trapped in a bedroom...that had windows open...and the ceiling fan on...yea, for some reason I still thought it was a ventilation problem.

I isolated the smoke detector in Simon and Oliver's room. As I fanned it with a towel the alarms finally silenced...Ahh... I jokingly called down to Abagial, "Don't breathe." She grinned and blew out air. The alarms began to scream again. I sent Gabriel up to fan the alarm. For the next few minutes the process repeated: 1 second of silence before all the chaos started up again. Eventually everything was quiet. The time was 6:21.

By now I realized, FINALLY, that this was not a ventilation issue and I emailed Allen to have him pick up a new smoke detector on the way home. He walked in the house 10 minutes later, not having received the email since he was driving home. As we were filling him in the alarms began to sing once more.

It took Allen 2 minutes to shut off the breaker and take all the batteries out. The alarms still were making a weird whining sound but it was much quieter. He then began to disconnect the alarms til he found the offending one. Once it was disconnected all the noise quit for good.

Hooray! So now he is off to purchase a new smoke detector. And I am grateful that this didn't happen in the middle of the night.